My teenage son says that fanny packs are back in style at his high school. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT MY ENTIRE LIFE!
Sorry I ate your snacks but nothing lasts forever anyway.
You Might Also Like
STOP talking shit about F•R•I•E•N•D•S
Rachel is KIND
Monica is NURTURING
Joey is CONSIDERATE
Phoebe is TALENTED
Chandler is FUNNY
This boot was made for walking.
This other boot was made for finding dog poop, apparently.
“Did you take out the trash?”
“Her name is LINDA, Mom.”
Unfortunately, not even me offering to cut my toenails could save the relationship.
My wife went to dinner with her cousin, and is supposed to bring me home some dessert. She should have been home an hour ago, and I’m getting a little worried about my cake.
“Awwww, that is so sweet! I think you’re outstanding too!”
me, to the collection agency
They should put barf bags in all the voting booths this year.
Daughter: Daddy, can I have breakfast?
Me: *puts up hand* Talk to the hand.
Daughter: *into my hand like she’s ordering at a drive thru* I’d like some pancakes.
I’m an undesirable. I have been excommunicated from society doomed to walk this Earth forever alone & unloved.
ALAN! MY MAN! I’D LOVE TO GO TO THE BAR! GIMME A SEC! A KID JUST FELL IN THE LAKE, YOU KNOW I CAN’T DRINK ON AN EMPTY STOMACH!