I started out with nothing and still have most of it!
Sorry I have been gone for the last two days, my son had a quick story to tell me
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*first day as a hair stylist
“STOP SCREAMING ABOUT THE BLOOD! THAT’S WHY WE PUT THE APRON ON YOU!”
At this point, I’m positive I’ve read the entire Bible via Facebook status updates.
*crosses off bucket list*
Hello, I dinged your car. The people watching me leave this note probably think I’m leaving you my name & number.
Signed, Guess Who.
I’m pretty sure M. Night Shyamalan is directing 2020.
If you go to an animal shelter and ask for a cat, they get really upset if you play them like a guitar and scream ROCK YOU LIKE A FURRICANE.
My phone just sent me an unsolicited hockey score. Aren’t there Japanese horror films that start this way?
Last-minute gift idea!
I asked my Ouija board when I was going to get a girlfriend and it spelled out HAHAHAHAHA until it caught fire.