@BGH70

Sorry, your invitation got lost in the trash.

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@Breadery

Play The Bee Gees loudly several times a day from your home so that if you have to kill someone the sounds won’t be unusual.

@TysonMarie

If you really think about it. Its kind of weird “yoga pants” are worn so much. That’s like a guy wearing baseball pants to go get groceries

@drewtoothpaste

2019: Tumblr blinks offline, satisfied, having completed its mission of collecting all existing TV and film footage as GIF files.

@sharpular

I’m wearing a tuxedo to work today in protest of casual Friday.

@Parentpains

She said she was burning with desire, so I threw a bucket of water at her.

Dating is bullshit.

@mommameetsworld

Hello, I’ve finished my free trial of adulting and I’m no longer interested. I’d like to cancel my subscription. Is there a manager I can speak to?