
“What kind of dog is this?”
“Well actu..”
“Hes cute”
*pets it*
“Sir thats my..”
*picks it up*
“Your a good dog arent you?”
“PUT MY SON DOWN”
[spelling bee]
Moderator: your word is sentence
Me: can you use it in a sentence?
Moderator: your word is sentence
“What kind of dog is this?”
“Well actu..”
“Hes cute”
*pets it*
“Sir thats my..”
*picks it up*
“Your a good dog arent you?”
“PUT MY SON DOWN”
adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane
over 7 billion people in this world and u think I’m gonna chase someone who doesn’t even want me? hahaha
that’s exactly what I’m gonna do
*texts with friends*
Friend: hey
Me: sorry I was busy what’s up?
Friend: I sent that 8 months ago
“A black man follows me when it’s sunny outside. When it’s cloudy, he goes home.”
“Brick, that’s your shadow.”
Hey tampon makers, can I get a silent tampon wrapper please? Sounds like I’m opening a bag of Sun Chips up in here.
When the KFC chicken grease starts haunting your arteries its called Poultry Geist.
Spent a pretty long time watching the cat next door lounge in the grass before I realized he was a skateboard.
A cannibal passes a Girl Scout cookie stand. “How many girl scouts are these cookies made of?” he asks with a large smile on his face.
JUDGE: I order you to pay $10,000 – do you understand?
MARIO:
JUDGE: it’s a fine
MARIO [sadly]: no itsa not