Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard
![]()
You Might Also Like
men only want one thing: a large italian wife that chases them around with a big wooden spoon when they sneak a meatball before dinner
Thankfully I haven’t had to go out and panic buy any food as I’ve been saving some plums in my icebox for this very occasion.
How do you stop a rhino from charging?
You take away its USB cable.
Dude just wanted a popsicle…
![]()
nobody let neil degrasse tyson watch acolyte, they have fire burning in the vacuum of space within the first 10 minutes
Hell hath no fury like a toddler that’s trying to sneak up on you but you don’t realize they’re trying to sneak up on you so you say hi which makes them go apeshit & then you have to act like you did not in fact see them but you both know the truth and oh god how is this my life
the era of facebook check-ins was nothing but toxic chaos for our friendships. like what do you mean you’re at cvs without me.
gentlemen, we are gathered here today by my milkshake.
I’m fine, doctor. My heart rate was elevated because I was thinking about tacos
Let me make this abundantly clear
– window makers probably
“Easy like Sunday morning” implies that Sunday is the most sexually promiscuous day of the week.
Sunday, slutty Sunday.
I sign all my coworker’s birthday cards, “Please know, this does not mean we’re friends” just to avoid any future awkwardness.
Boomer neighbors on NextDoor: “Kids never go outside and play anymore! The parks and alleys are empty!”
Boomer neighbors IRL: “How dare neighborhood children play a game of basketball outside on a summer evening at a nice normal volume! Go inside!”
A headhunter on LinkedIn wanted me to apply for a job as a bank manager. That’s quality recruitment work right there. Get the English major to run your bank.
I’m not entirely sure what numbers are. When I buy something, I just hand over an amount of money and hope it’s right.
djs are so lazy man. been listening to mixes all morning and they’re all using the same carbon monoxide alarm sample faintly in the background
I love the new #ObiWanKenobi poster but I also realized it totally works as a Tums ad.
![]()
You better take care of me Lord, if you don’t you’re gonna have me on your hands.
THEM: What’s it called when you think about them all the time?
ME: Love.
T: What if it’s about murdering them all the time?
M: Also love.
It’s only August and I’m already tired of watering my plants. Makes me wonder how my daughter has lasted 18 years.
[alternate universe]
teacher: and that’s how you do your taxes
student: thank you. what a useful skill i have learned here today
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Praying for telemarketers to call so I can experience human contact as I slowly dissolve into dust
I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.
Me: NO!
Him: What? I haven’t even said anything
Me: Oh, you looked like you were about to
When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.
Glad I’m not a general, because auto-correct just changed “lunch order” to “launch order.”
Me: I hate seeing you like this.
Coworker: Like how?
Me: In person
Anyone really
![]()
I’m in the South. I’m the only one who ordered vegetables with my dinner.
laundry day is my favorite day of the week. that’s why I dress for it every day.
Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.