@LurkAtHomeMom: OMG I'M SO OLD AND OUT OF TOUCH WITH POP MUSIC WHAT SONG DOES BREXIT SING

@CynicalCanuck: Am I in the Mile High Club if I jerk off under a blanket on a plane? Just kidding, United doesn't have blankets. Sorry lady in seat 21B

@taramae72: *Mouth full of pizza* Boss: I thought you were trying to lose weight? Me: Waaa? Iths diet peetha.

@YeaThanksObama: I can't believe Obama just sat back and let this happen. #ThanksObama

@Playing_Dad: *consoling friend who is a baker* I'm really sorry about the fire at your bread shop. Looks like your business is toast now.