Squid Game is so captivating because it’s about man’s greatest fear: being told to find a partner to team up with for a project
You Might Also Like
dan dan noodles… the food so nice they danned it twice. thanks for liking my posts
Why is my life so hard?!!
~Me, trying to open a jar .
Vampires have to scroll forever to get to their birth year
Waiter: would you like a little quiche before your main sir?
Me: ok, but no tongue
[whispering to my son before he sits on santa’s lap] if you ask him to stop my hair from thinning I’ll let you drive on the way home
[watching The Notebook]
Her: Noah wrote Allie a letter every day for a year
Me: I bet each one just said, Hey
people who dress up for flights who’re you trying to impress? the clouds? the beverage cart? the boy in seat 12B with the perfect almond eyes and the windswept hair with the crooked smile and those perfect freckles peppered across his nose? grow up
Wife: Put the dishes away I have other things to do.
Me: ok
*Me loading dishwasher with wife watching entire time to ensure I do it right*
13-year-old: Do you know where the cord is to the electric keyboard?
Me, knows exactly where it is: No.
Trump: “I’m going to make sure we let in less immigrants.”
Pence: “Fewer!”
Trump: “Shhh, don’t call me that yet.”
Person: Are you on the conference call?
Me: *watching dancing animals videos* Like, deep in my heart?
I’m nobody’s type until they need blood or an organ
ME: There’s a dead fly in my soup
WAITER: Yes
ME: There’s a dead fly in a tiny burning longboat in my soup
WAITER: Yes
ME: A cricket bard sings his spirit into the next world
WAITER: Yes
ME: My compliments to the chef
When I was 8, my best friend & I had a big fight. The next week his family moved away. Dave, if you’re reading this, I still hate your guts.
just got off an incredibly depressing and frustrating phone call with my evil health insurance company who actively wants me to die, time to take a big sip of coffee and check the news
If life sucks, take a straw and you suck too
How can we make people tell the truth?
“Lets make them put one hand on a book & the other on their chest. That’ll scare the shit out of em”
the worm is coming from inside the brain
Really discouraging that there’s still bald people in sci fi movies.
Cop: we know you’re in there.
Me in a French accent: I am not ere, I am in France.
Cop: when will you be back?
Me: je ne comprends pas
The doctor holds the stethoscope against my chest and frowns. Perhaps I should not have eaten all those bees.
For some reason I’m an extremely secretive
person. Don’t ask me why
30% of the world’s coal production is used by Santa to insult our shittiest children
looking for a new pillow and came across these ones that look like you just opened your own head that was shipped to you in protective styrofoam
Preparing for Milton by stockpiling Pop Tarts.
A friend and I just decided that in 10 years if we aren’t married we will tell each other what’s honestly wrong about ourselves.
I apply an inordinate amount of baby oil for someone who is not a bodybuilder.
I didn’t take my husband’s name when I got married. I figured it’d be confusing if we were both called Keith.
“TGIM!” – My liver
I know you all think *I’m* the chaotic one in my family, but a baboon troop just broke into my sister’s house and stole two jars of peanut butter and her husband chased them off with a baseball bat, an event she relayed by dropping a video with no explanation in the group chat