I broke up with a girl once by leaving a note on the front door that simply said: “Love doesn’t live here anymore, and now, neither do you.”
Stages of drunk:
– I’m not drunk.
– I’m still not drunk.
– Who’s trunk am I in?
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are u in love with me? no?? *slides u a chocolate pudding* how about now?
Funny how I used to see human features in things like electrical sockets, or clouds, or my ex.
My parents didn’t raise me to be disrespectful. I had to practice.
If you ever get attacked by a shark, don’t forget to take a moment and appreciate the statistical improbability of it all.
Fiber Monday is a great idea…
but is once a year often enough ?
Oh….it’s Cyber Monday ?
God: sends you to hell for aborting your ‘child’.nGod: killed his only son.nAnd that, ladies & gentlemen, is religion in a nutshell.
Kids: Always remember to brush your drugs and don’t do teeth.
Queen Elizabeth is celebrating 60 years on the throne.
I assume it was something she ate.