@asimplesean

Star Wars (1977, PG) a group of terrorists enlist the aid of a drug smuggler and a religious fanatic to bomb the seat of governmental power.

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@kwirkyKerri

Nice cargo shorts. You may want to dial back that awesome a little. Not really sure how much I can take.

@Go2Slp

What flavor is the milkshake? How far away is the yard? How could you know its better than mine? You seem, frankly, a bit overconfident.

@robyn_vo

I just violently threw up for 6 minutes and now my coworkers think I’m the lead singer of Creed.

@TuSoonShakur

FORREST GUMP: hey bubba would you please tell me the name of the woods where robin hood hid out with his merry men?

BUBBA: sherwood forest

FORREST GUMP:
FORREST GUMP:
FORREST GUMP:
FORREST GUMP:
FORREST GUMP:
FORREST GUMP:

FORREST GUMP: hey bubba would you please tell me the n

@sarawrencomedy

A guy sat 6 feet across from me and tried to hit on me. I said, “what? I can’t hear you.” he goes, “Awww man!! Coronavirus be killing my game!!!” and left defeated.

@brakco

I wont play GI Joes with my nephew until he learns to play it right. He’s 4 years old, he should know better than to drag Vader into this.

@StevieKnip

PSA: If you’re about to be arrested, climb to the roof of a nearby court. You are now ‘above the law’ & literally can’t get in trouble ever

@lucidchemistry

I found if you put the right stickers on your cooler and walk as fast as you can they’ll let you in any part of the hospital you want.

@seamussaid

teaching my 1yo daughter to shout
“Mike Wazowski!” every time someone opens a closet door