Do Twitter your way. But don’t mention spiders. Or clowns. Or moist. Or moist clown spiders.
Stephen King: what if there was an *evil* clown
Mary Shelley: what if a corpse came to life
Edgar Allan Poe: oh no a bird!!!
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MY DATE WHO IS A SQUID: What movie should we see?
ME, SECRETLY TRYING TO HARVEST HER INK: Something super scary *I empty my popcorn bucket*
Son: dad, where do vegans come from?
My email password has been hacked. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename the cat.
*I look into abyss*
*Abyss looks at me*
*Abyss blinking message in Morse code*
*I go off to learn Morse*
“Why do we park in a dri
And on the second day, God created the sunset and He saw that it was good but decided it would looketh better with the Amaro filter.
I may seem confident on the outside but deep down on the inside I remember every time I’ve accidentally leaned on a light switch.
“Hola! I’m Señor Coconut, children”
[cracks head on the pavement. Children scream]
“Drink me. Drink me. I’m full of vitamins and minerals”
The jerk store called. *removes hat* I’m afraid there’s been an accident.
I wanna look like a snack this summer but I keep eating them