STEPS TO FOLD A FITTED SHEET
1) PUT SHEET ON BED
2) FOLD BED
You Might Also Like
I just got an email saying ‘At Google earth we can read maps backwards!’
I thought, “That’s just spam.”
Me: I’ll call you when I get home so you know I’m safe
Bus driver: I really don’t care
If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.
WAITER: Would you like Parmesan cheese on your meal?
ME: Yes
WAITER: Say when
ME: Well now makes the most sense
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how inlove you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
Don’t make me mad or I will replace all your gummy candies with fiber gummies.
My 6-year-old had to review the life of Abraham Lincoln, saw the drawing on the bottom right of this worksheet & asked, “How did he become so giant?” The drawing is of the Lincoln Memorial, proving that he’s as terrible a listener as I was in history class
WIFE: I can’t believe you ruined my birthday yesterday
ME: What a load of bollocks, Karen. I didn’t even know it was your birthday
boss: somebody stole the office thesaurus
me: I perceive your concern however I am not cognizant of the perpetrator
Me: I’m an expert at identifying birds
Her: OK, what about those ones flying over that tree?
Me: Yup, they’re all birds
[date]
Me, struggling to pronounce things on the menu: I’ll just have the chicken nouj-
Date: nuggets
8: I wrote my list for Santa
Me: aren’t you going to ask how he is before you launch into your list of demands?
8: P.S. so…. how’s it going?
Me: perfect
When you’re dirty and dripping wet, moaning from pleasure, you know those were some good chicken wings.
DID YOU KNOW: If you don’t eat animal products, you will take it out on everyone else forever?
I got a new vacuum but I can’t vacuum because I don’t want to dirty my new vacuum so yeah I know a thing or two about grown up problems
The recipe blogs that have the “jump to recipe” button are the real winners
Cats do not subscribe to the laws of physics.
So Nicolas Cage and John Travolta walk into a bar and the bartender says “hey, why the wrong face?”
“male healers in final fantasy games are weird it feels gay to be healed by a man”
folks are we gonna tell him about real life doctors or nah
I must be getting old.
The haircut I need is in my nose.
Cake!!
my roommate had a party last night and i asked one of the guys here what his job was and he said skateboarder
Wife: you wanna play monopoly?
Me: sure if there’s one thing we need to do more of as a couple it’s recreational arguing
Him: “You’re not like other girls”
My anxiety and insecurity: “Told ya”
Just left a review for the telescope I bought — barely works. two stars
I just walked into my bedroom and said to my husband, “I can’t believe you forgot what day today is,” then walked out and slammed the door.
Mozart at 6 years old: composing a minuet
Me at 6 years old: figuring out which marker is the tastiest
We wanted a small, tasteful wedding. No friends, no family, no bride. Just me, sitting alone, ordering Uber Eats
[interview]
HIM: have u ever bribed anyone?
ME: *pulls a package of OREO’s from briefcase and slides across table* depends on who’s asking
how do i lose 30 pounds without cutting out baja blast, coffee creamer, and my ritual of eating 400 calories worth of candy at 11pm???