Cotton candy is just flavored spider webs
Still disappointed that a goblet is just a cup and not a miniature goblin.
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Weird how people think I won’t summon Satan when they talk to me while chewing.
Because you can’t hang up in person.
Sushi’s just never quite as good re-heated the next day.
Bill Clinton hiding in the Bushes:
Interviewer: what’s your greatest weakness?
Clark Kent: kryptonite
Interviewer: right, what’s your kryptonite?
Clark Kent: ohhhh I see what you mean. Chips and salsa
Big Bad Wolf: I’m here for the cookout
Three Little Pigs: We’re not letting you in
Big Bad Wolf: This blows. Heeeeyyy, wait just a minute!
Restless leg syndrome does not give you the right to swiftly kick people whenever you feel like it. I know that now.. 😆
Me: Well, that’s enough for one day.
Husband: But you just woke up.
chick-fil-a employee: it is my pleasure to serve you
me: [out of breath] how are you so good at tennis