@eedrk: [struts into party on stilts just as everyone starts talking about how they hate stilts. i try to turn around but careen over onto the cake]
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@mulliganstewed: As soon as my daughter realizes Jamacians, Irish, & wizards don't all have the same accent, I'm probably going to get fired from storytime.
@NOTVIKING: the first line of “wake me up when september ends” says that “summer has come and passed” which means that it‘s at least september 22nd so while people think billy joe armstrong is sleeping the whole month he is actually sleeping for at most 8 days cop arresting me: i don’t care
@bourgeoisalien: [overheard in my son's room] His friend: You're Greek. Do Greeks have a 4th of July? My son: Yes. We also have a 3rd and 5th of July.