@Sanbel11

Stuck in traffic but luckily few people are beeping their horns so we’ll be moving any second now.

Stuck in traffic but luckily few people are beeping their horns so we’ll be moving any second now.

- @Sanbel11

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@Elizasoul80

I don’t need WebMD to tell me what’s wrong with me, I have my mother.

@robdelaney

I #respectfully #trot when you let me cross the street in front of you. I salute the #power of the automobile.

@JediGigi

My Mom taught me to treat others the way I want to be treated so I always walk up to strangers and spray canned cheese in their mouth.

@Nahdude83

Onions are the Russian nesting dolls of the vegetable world.

@70Ceeks

at the salon thinking of going darker for winter

maybe i’ll kill the shampoo girl

@ErrenMichaels

[First person to ride a horse]
‘I’m going to sit on that thing and I don’t care how angry it gets.’

@jdforshort

I asked the manager if I could sample the sausage and that’s when I was asked to leave Costco.

THE SAUSAGE Not YOUR sausage

@sad_tree

When people say “You can fit a million earths in the sun!!!”
I’m like:
Hey. Maybe we shouldnt put any earths in the sun. The sun is hot.

@ValeeGrrl

An enterprising divorce lawyer would set up a booth on a Sunday at a cut-your-own Christmas tree farm.