@dxblarssonENG

Stupid cats stealing all our women.

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@Mardigroan

How do I mute or block this account called “Promoted?”

@AndyAsAdjective

JUMP

ING

UP

AND

DOWN

ON

THE

TRAMP

O

LINE

OUT

SIDE

YOUR

WIN

DOW

IS

NOT

HOW

I

WANT

ED

TO

BREAK

UP

WITH

YOU

KAR

EN

@OINKimmaPIG

Why go out and be a 3rd wheel when you can stay home and be a unicycle?

@poizngrl

ADHD in the streets

Naughty fr…so hey, does anyone want to play Sonic the Hedgehog?

@crunchenhancer

I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.

@MsLadyLuvBug

It has been brought to my attention that people stickers on car windows are NOT pedestrian kills,but family members. Removing mine ASAP.

@R0ckG0d88

A gag order but for people that go “ahhhh” after every sip of coffee.

@SINGING_GHOSTS

i imagine my dog spends a lot of time thinking about how tall i am and how great it is to have a giant as a best friend who can reach treats

@Skoogeth

{slowly digs both of my feet into the wet sand}

{whispers} planet shoes

@TheBoydP

[Company Christmas luncheon]

Coworker: Nice, so you’re entering the ugly sweater contest?

Me: Ugly sweater contest?