Monday mornings as a stay-at-home parent are kind of like cleaning up after a massive house party that you weren’t even invited to.
Superheroes come from broken homes & inattentive parents.
Parents, stop hugging your kids. We need a Batman.
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After taking a bunch of 7-year-olds on a field trip to the Natural History Museum, I realized their favorite exhibit was “Elevator Buttons.”
Mom there’s a boogie man in my closet!
*mom looks and I’m standing there with an afro in a satin shirt and platform shoes
Apparently, occupants aren’t 8 legged pants for octopi
dude that designs dressing rooms: make em tiny like an upright coffin. good. now make the lighting so that bare skin looks like nightmares.
Ah, spring is here. Time to open the windows and remind my neighbors that I know every word to the “Grease” soundtrack.
I’m more confused than a chameleon in a bag full of skittles
Say it ain’t so
I will not go
Turn the lights off
Cotton Eye Joe
You drink WAY too much, and you have questionable morals . . .
me talking to myself in the mirror before going out at night .
Hey baby, do you like tan lines? Because I fell asleep with a badminton racquet on my face again and