@TheToddWilliams: Superman could have become a doctor, using his x-ray vision to detect life threatening tumors. But no, we really needed another journalist.
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@SortaBad: If I hear someone crying I immediately cry louder to establish myself as the dominant sad person in the room
@EndhooS: [1st day undercover] Me: [to gang of street punks] what up dongs? Voice through earpiece: OMG its DAWGS u idiot Me: is ur gang hiring today?
@pixelatedboat: Leftist: Abolish prison Me (realising that would make a Con Air sequel impossible): Hold on a minute