Superman’s Google searches:

“Strongest hero”

“Strongest hero. Not Hulk”

“Fastest hero”

“Fastest hero. Not Flash”

“Phone booth for sale”

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An empty parking lot
I saw him go by
Quickly locked the doors
You can never be too safe
I bravely got out of the car after the bee flew away


It turns out the only way to get my kids to flush the toilet is for me to be showering when they use it.


Hi, I’m a college professor. Years ago I wrote a terrible book no one wanted. Anyway you have to buy it for 80 dollars


I will out-dad you simply by placing more burgers on my grill than yours. How many burgers is that? I have 27


Dried up sea monkeys taste nothing like chicken. Related: Never ever put your kids seamonkey packets near your cup o’noodles packets. Ever.


Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside


Why do we PARK on a DRIVEway, but my mom’s boyfriend Craig won’t let me call him Dad when we hug?


When choosing a heart medicine, always pick the one that causes, “significantly less bleeding.”

Less bleeding is good for not being dead.