*Held up the grocery line because the card reader couldn’t read my Apple Watch*
Elderly Man behind me: (Exhales) Let’s move this along, future boy
*survives trip to grocery store
*checks in as “safe” on Facebook
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Way back when, I thought technology would look more like flying cars and less like me yelling “The laptop’s not a touch screen,” at my kids.
i hav cat-like reflexes
*looks at a cat*
(instantly) i like that cat
Ride your bike to the bar, they said. You’ll never forget how to ride a bike, they said.
Interviewer: “What’s your greatest strength?”
*45 minutes later*
Me: “I’m very comfortable with silence.”
Kim Davis becoming a Republican, dealing a huge blow to the “intolerant homophobic religious fundamentalist” wing of the Democratic Party.
Some days it doesn’t seem worth it to burst out of my own grave & terrorize the townsfolk.
Calls for kids: Nobody responds.
Gets on phone: Two kids yelling for me while fighting, the other asking what’s for dinner when it’s 9 am.
Not now, kids.
Mommy’s boiling the Easter bunny.