@delusions_of: Bring cheeseburgers to a knife fight. No one wants to stab someone who gave them cheeseburgers.

@DanKCharnley: he died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish

@blade_funner: I knife through the icy water like a shark. The spectators gasp in awe. Mall security struggles to drag me fully-clothed from the fountain.

@joeljeffrey: I took my cat to Build-A-Bear so he could see what's going to happen to him if he pees on the carpet again.

@delusions_of: [points at bank account] "This is why we can't have nice things! Or crappy things. Or food."