@jimmy_sharpe

Taking vocabulary to a whole new thingy

You Might Also Like

@QwertyJones3

Million dollar idea: Dating website for leopards called Connect the Dots

@ohen39

wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it
me: [peeing on jellyfish] this is for stinging my wife

@Dutch_50

Newspapers are cool because you can cut out eye holes and spy on people. Try that with an iPad.

@HeyJennyLeone

Your personality finally matches your looks. That’s not a compliment.

@jjmick45

I want to be the guy in a rap song that justs says YEA

@Shock_Monster

How To Get Rich:

1. Place a Swear Jar next to Samuel L Jackson.

2. Empty it the next day.

3. Become a millionaire.

@slooberbie

“Please! There’s no need to interact with me. I’m just here to observe.”

-me in every social situation