@LMHPhotog

Teach a fish to catch a MAN, and you’ve got a blockbuster horror movie idea under your belt.

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@dogboner

in the rental car today and my son said it was like we were in a “rocket ship” how many rocket ships have you been in. That’s what I thought

@JimmerThatisAll

I guess I didn’t lobby hard enough to make extroduce the word of the year.

@tuckerflodman

Hey girl, on a scale of ‘Neo’s mind in the beginning of The Matrix’ and ‘Neo’s mind at the end’, how free are you tonight?

@Sassafrantz

Started a pillow fight with my boyfriend, but I forgot that’s where I hide my Oreos.

@ewws13

Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.

@jjhartinger

I found my husband’s shirt in the dishwasher & his beer mug in the hamper, but the details of this caper have yet to emerge.

@TheBoydP

Protip: Never take a screenshot with the camera sound on in the restroom at work. You will get strange looks as you exit the stall…

@PoliUncorrect

I’m mad at myself for losing an argument while rehearsing it in my head, so don’t tell me how hard your life is

@Reductress

Wow! This Child Actress is All Grown Up, and You Won’t Believe How Much She Hates Your Obsession With What She Looks Like Now: