in the rental car today and my son said it was like we were in a “rocket ship” how many rocket ships have you been in. That’s what I thought
Teach a fish to catch a MAN, and you’ve got a blockbuster horror movie idea under your belt.
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I guess I didn’t lobby hard enough to make extroduce the word of the year.
You can always tell someone’s age by watching them get out of a car.
Hey girl, on a scale of ‘Neo’s mind in the beginning of The Matrix’ and ‘Neo’s mind at the end’, how free are you tonight?
Started a pillow fight with my boyfriend, but I forgot that’s where I hide my Oreos.
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
I found my husband’s shirt in the dishwasher & his beer mug in the hamper, but the details of this caper have yet to emerge.
Protip: Never take a screenshot with the camera sound on in the restroom at work. You will get strange looks as you exit the stall…
I’m mad at myself for losing an argument while rehearsing it in my head, so don’t tell me how hard your life is
Wow! This Child Actress is All Grown Up, and You Won’t Believe How Much She Hates Your Obsession With What She Looks Like Now: