Legally, you don’t actually have to ever stop screaming.
“Tell me why I shouldn’t report you to HR?” The doctor yelled at me when I used the defibrillator wrong. “I don’t work here” I yelled back.
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Top 3 ways to kill Werewolves:
3. Kill them in human form
2. Shoot them with a silver bullet
1. Feed them chocolate
I’m not sure what I did wrong but the pile of LEGOs left on the bath mat while I was in the shower seems like some kind of threat.
My GF found lipstick in my pocket, I admitted I’m cheating… I don’t want her to know I’m selling AVON.. I want to eat my money in peace
The girl in front of me googled “med school GPA” and then immediately after googled “what can I do with a biology degree”.
I have witnessed someone face reality.
man: you buried my grandmother in the wrong plot
me: you could say I made a *looks to camera* grave mistake
man: and her body has been stolen
me: that’s a *winks* grave miss take
man: and someone spilled drink on her coffin
me: *slurping straw* that’s a grave milkshake
*Sitting at Gate*
Airport Wifi- All settled in? Feeling productive?
Me- Yep, why?
Airport Wifi- Cool, let me just drop ou…
You better watch out, you better not cry
You better not pout, I’m telling you why
Emotion signals weakness to your enemy
Be vigilant, my son
I don’t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don’t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
me: are u Scottish
me: then u could say i’m being kilt