making all the guests at my party say how likely they are to recommend me to a friend
Text from wife: I’m so sorry, I’m gonna be about half an hour late
Me [forgot we were even meeting, still in bed]: you always do this
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I’m Not A People Person, Or A Morning Person, Or An Evening Person, Or A Going-Out Person, Or A Staying-In.. I’m Not Even Sure I’m A Person.
Shortly after firing up my Toro Power Sweep, I begin thinking of myself as a “leaf herder” and realize I need to get out more often.
me: hips like a canadian goose
girl in club: is that good?
ME: [not savvy] i need a new car SALESMAN: what kind
SALESMAN: haha what kind of car
ME: [perspiring freely] new
Im tired of being politically correct. If I want to wish someone a Happy Honda Days, I’m gonna do it. I don’t care what they drive, that’s their problem
[me, stacking babies on top of each other]
Him: Wha…What are you doin there?
Me: Oh, you know, just building up the infant structure.
I carpool with a guy & we have officially run out of things to talk about. Today he commented on how well-made the road was. I agreed.
Why it’s called a cellular membrane and not a gene-jacket I’ve no idea.
So glad our house has 3 bathrooms so all of my kids can argue while brushing their teeth in mine.