Hello, I dinged your car. The people watching me leave this note probably think I’m leaving you my name & number.
Signed, Guess Who.
Hub: I have to go to the doctor.
Me: Is it your eyes?
Me: Is your vision blurry?
Me: You’re wearing my contacts.
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When I was a kid ‘friends with benefits’ meant that kid had a nintendo.
Am I…am I about to fight these bagels?
townsfolk: you should come to the festival
me: is this a normal “corny” festival or a “human sacrifice to ensure good harvest” festival?
townsfolk: which will entice you to be there?
me: oh i’m going regardless
I always take my fingers out of my ears & clap after each karaoke song performance.
Midrand traffic is caused by married men who don’t want to go home after work..
A world without racism exists in traffic. The anger, cursing and honking is truly based on the ability to drive, not the content of the car.
Please, sir, my system. It’s very nervous.
Her: *5 paragraphs of text