Hub: I have to go to the doctor.
Me: Is it your eyes?
Hub: Yes!
Me: Is your vision blurry?
Hub: Yes!!
Me: You’re wearing my contacts.

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Hello, I dinged your car. The people watching me leave this note probably think I’m leaving you my name & number.
Signed, Guess Who.


When I was a kid ‘friends with benefits’ meant that kid had a nintendo.


townsfolk: you should come to the festival

me: is this a normal “corny” festival or a “human sacrifice to ensure good harvest” festival?

townsfolk: which will entice you to be there?

me: oh i’m going regardless


I always take my fingers out of my ears & clap after each karaoke song performance.


Midrand traffic is caused by married men who don’t want to go home after work..


A world without racism exists in traffic. The anger, cursing and honking is truly based on the ability to drive, not the content of the car.