@SwedishCanary: Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across America join together to raise the country's obesity statistics.
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@SortaBadass: When Kate Middleton goes into labor, the doctor will say "the baby is crowning!" and they'll laugh and laugh
@DanielRCarrillo: Having pets adds 5 years to your life. Have thousands of pets, never stop owning pets. Become immortal. Laugh as your foes grow old and die
@AsgardianRose: Forget sex positions, has anyone found a reading position that doesn't get uncomfortable after about 5 minutes?
@WorstCassie: My husband and I just met with our financial advisor. Our new retirement plan is to disband, marry much older, wealthier spouses and kind of just wait it out.