That mini-heartattack you get when you sport a typo in your tweet.

You Might Also Like


Me: Yes, I’d like the Mexican massage.
Masseuse: The what?
Me: *hands him taco seasoning and sour cream*
Me: Let’s go, chop chop.


Wait a second, so violence is an actual resort? That place sounds wonderful.


My husband and I get along better since realizing how much our yelling upsets the dog.


When your boss says “You need help”, he never means a hitman.


[pearly gates]
ANGEL: bad jokes are not allowed in heaven
ME: ok
ANGEL: that means absolutely no puns
ME: abSOULutely
*clouds turn to fire*


Jay-Z is actually the 26th generation of the Jay family, which dates back to the middle-ages, when Jay-A invented rap.


I’m going to adopt a tapeworm. Perfect pet, cheap to feed, doesn’t pee, bark, chew stuff or sit on your head. Best bit, it makes you skinny.


me: I was doing crossfit on the night in question

cop: you’re not even a suspect

me: I just wanted u to know


Wife: [eyes glinting] Kids are at mums tonight, know what that means?



M: Cool! You get the popcorn, I’ll break out the ‘Sopranos’ boxset!