That seems a conundrum…
🤔
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Na Fa Fo Na Na Fo Fo -Sassy black girl giving me her digits.
GUY WITH TONS OF BLACKLIGHTS AROUND HIS APARTMENT: Hey come on in!
GUY WHO LIKES TO RUB CAT URINE ALL OVER HIMSELF: Ummm. Nah I’m good.
If your boss asks you to organize a corporate team building event he does not mean organize a happy hour.
I know this now.
Last semester a student asked me why I hadn’t graded their paper.
I said the paper was flagged as having ChatGPT generated content & wasn’t sure how to proceed.
Student said they didn’t use ChatGPT; it must have been their friend who wrote the paper for them.
đź«
I’m at that age where I keep swatting in the air around my head trying to kill the buzzing mosquito, but realizing it’s just my deviated septum..
What psycho decided it was a good idea for kids to hunt for chocolate easter eggs right when the spring thaw reveals all the dog poop?
It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids
Hippos at the Cincinnati Zoo getting some pumpkin snacks.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
Why is it always “I see you drank all the beer today!” instead of, “Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator.”
Cerebral exploration with this Q tip.
The 9:50 from Paris has been diverted. Nothing to do with the weather, we just don’t like the French.
The honesty is refreshing
Hot girl in the avatar, but no selfies in your pics.
I’m just gonna call you “bro” from now on.
Pretty upsetting that during such times some people are still refusing to take their work home with them, like my kids’ nanny
Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.
Fact: an Owl’s head can rotate up to 840°, before it comes off in your hand.
“So he tells me he’s been grounded, and I says to him… I says Hank, it’s probably because of your bad altitude!”
I accidentally bump into a man.
He yells, “What’s your problem, lady?!”
I stare at him. I do not know which problem he is referring to. I have so many.
Corgi: why are my legs so short?
God: that’s just what legs look like.
Corgi: oh cool.
[giraffe walks by]
Corgi:
God: you weren’t supposed to see that.
I bought a designer body bag and now I’m scared to gain weight.
Serious question. How does my local grocery store keep figuring out my favorite brand or flavor of a product so they can stop carrying it?
I adopt cats because I can’t have any of my own.
If u luv sumthin set it free
*releases 2yr old into the wild*
Good luck son
*sobbing*
STOP FOLLOWING ME! GO ON,GET OUT OF HERE
*throws rocks
[breathing]
“I could do this all day.”
*wears an “Only God Can Judge Me” t-shirt to court*
Boss: Can I have a word with you?
Me: umbrella
[ Anything I buy from now until Christmas, I consider it a gift… ]
Kids! Close your eyes and hold out your hands!
“Toilet paper?!”