Working front desk at Motel 6 wasn’t paying the bills so I started dealing meth to the housekeepers. It was an Inn side job.
the airport boldly asks “what if the worst sandwich you’d ever had was $16.95”
You Might Also Like
“Oh wow, I see you brought your Legos.”
*huge sigh* LEGO. It’s called Lego.
Why do we never see “Side effects may include spontaneous happiness, explosive giggling, uncontrollable hugging, and diarrhea”?
After my honeymoon, my ex apparently felt like a new man… and so did I.
wife [whispers] Josh
wife *nudges me* Josh
me: Huh? What?
wife: You were explaining the plot to Space Jam in your sleep again
I’ll photoshop my youngest into old pics just to make him stop crying about not being a part of the family before he was born.
Wearing ‘EarPods’ is my favorite way of making the rest of the world believe my verbal outbursts are part of a heated phone conversation.
So excited! I’m taking an online grammar class. No more typos for me.
Nolege is power biches!
How to have sexy legs:
*Do lots of squats
*Go running 3x a week
*Point a spotlight at your favorite leg
*Shave leg hair into classy leg goatee
*Make sure your legs go all the way up
*You can never have too many toes
*Refrigerate legs when not in use
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little
Lamb. Maybe she wasn’t that hungry.