@secondofhername

The answer is funnier than the question

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@JohnLyonTweets

Fun prank: Wear a baby carrier with a parcel in it. Stand at mailbox and yell OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE!

@MIKhanX

I just saw some idiot at the gym put a water bottle in the pringles holder on the treadmill

@Brianhopecomedy

Ugh, I may have lost my “World’s Best Dad” keychain. My 2 year old was playing with it an hour ago but I don’t know where she went.

@Jake_Vig

I didn’t set my clocks back. I’m writing this from one hour in your future. We have jet packs.

@QwertyJones3

Someone die? Time to get high!

Come on down to Barry’s Death Emporium where we put the FUN in funeral and the RAVE in grave!

(BYO shovel)

@TheToddWilliams

[Morgan Freeman voice] Isolated from his group, this penguin will not survive

[penguin voice] Hey dude, I can hear you.

@Dawn_M_

My friend got a tattoo of his wife’s name so I guess he loves her as much as he loves barbed wire.

@RandomManik

GF texted me that her ex wants to get her back. So I texted, “I care for you. Don’t do this”.

I’m still working on what to reply to my GF.