PRIEST: are you a catholic?
ME: I have four, but I wouldn’t say I’m addicted
The asian girl I’m playing chess against is really hot, you might say she’s worth a…
*puts on sunglasses*
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Me: my tooth hurts when I suck
Dentist: so you’re in constant pain
Maybe pandas can eat more foods than bamboo but no one has ever offered them a Twizzler.
It’s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
I Really Didn’t Think I’d Need A Cart
~ A Costco Story ~
If a genie grants you 3 wishes, use the first one to make the genie develop short term memory loss, and then keep making 2nd wishes forever.
Since Justin Bieber has the “Beliebers” and Lady Gaga has the “Little Monsters” I’d like to name Robin Thicke’s fans “Thickeheads.”
Accidentally got two shots of hand sanitizer so if you need me I’ll be rubbing my hands together for the rest of my life.
anyone here with one leg? i have a ton of socks you can have
The only problem with winning concert tickets from a Pepsi lid is that you will be attending a concert with a bunch of Pepsi drinkers