@JayCee302

The asian girl I’m playing chess against is really hot, you might say she’s worth a…

*puts on sunglasses*

“Second rook”

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@TeaAndCopy

PRIEST: are you a catholic?
ME: I have four, but I wouldn’t say I’m addicted

@ninjadinosaur1

Maybe pandas can eat more foods than bamboo but no one has ever offered them a Twizzler.

@Izianikapani

It’s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.

@shkeeber

If a genie grants you 3 wishes, use the first one to make the genie develop short term memory loss, and then keep making 2nd wishes forever.

@JennyJohnsonHi5

Since Justin Bieber has the “Beliebers” and Lady Gaga has the “Little Monsters” I’d like to name Robin Thicke’s fans “Thickeheads.”

@FilthyRichmond

Accidentally got two shots of hand sanitizer so if you need me I’ll be rubbing my hands together for the rest of my life.

@osno13

anyone here with one leg? i have a ton of socks you can have

@Mr_Kapowski

The only problem with winning concert tickets from a Pepsi lid is that you will be attending a concert with a bunch of Pepsi drinkers