My daughter just announced she’s SICK of stupid-ass people. I said “Oh darlin, you’re gonna feel ill for a long time.. they’re everywhere.”
the best insult ever is “who is this clown” because
1. you’re calling them a clown
2. you’re saying they’re not even a well known clown
You Might Also Like
*goes to the gym*
*takes a selfie & posts it on Facebook for the wife to see*
*hurries to the bar*
God: ok u can make one human that’s it
Satan: how do u feel about toupees & the name Donald
If I say “I don’t know, let me look”, I’m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you’re on hold.
Did Delilah ever tell that guy what New York City is like
I eat sunflower seeds because I like food but I absolutely love littering
No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.
Dating is just not ghosting someone after sex over and over til you’re suddenly married.
Her: I just read this really funny thing on FB.
Me: No you didn’t.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.