@david8hughes: "The best things in life are free." ~ shoplifters.
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@PetrickSara: Brushing my daughter's hair Me: Why is your hair SO tangled? 5: I don't know. Glue maybe? Me: Did you put glue in your hair? 5: Yes.
@Spaziotwat: Survivor 1: "Help! I can't swim! I'm drowning!" Survivor 2: "I have a buoy, friend."
@sixfootcandy: *holding a hose* Husband: What are you doing? Me: I’m spraying anyone who steps on our property. Husband: Isn’t your family coming over? Me: *grins* In 7 minutes.
@robdelaney: Ever see a plane flying toward the moon & it looks like it's gonna hit it & then it does & the oceans boil & wolves take over?