@SteevUmc

The best things in life are free.

Stealing is awesome.

You Might Also Like

@ThugRaccoons

KFC Cashier: I hope your family enjoys this 12 piece meal

Me: Family?

@TryMetafy

Maybe Bowser is mad at Mario because he’s terrible at plumbing, flooded with castle with lava, and left exposed unfinished pipes everywhere…

@krisv_723

I’m wearing black today so powdered sugar donuts seem like a solid choice.

@mattgallo123

“Don’t be shy!”

-people who don’t understand how genetically determined character traits work

@Tmoney68

This baby at McDonalds may have started the screaming competition, but I guarantee I’m going to win it.

@Lisabug74

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Hello! I’m really high sorry about my driving. I’m ready to order now.

@poutinesmoothie

If you lean back in a chair and put your feet up on the desk, everything you say will be beaming with confidence and bravado especially if it’s not your office.

@OrangeFact

My new favorite thing on Twitter is this three-year feud between Wendy’s and a cabbage account

@prodigalsam

“I wish I had more time to read” he said as Netflix automatically played the next episode.