@Laser_Cat: The best way to get a job is to hold the other person's hand through the interview. If you don't get hired, no worries. You made a friend.
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@SondraDeeMe: [at family gathering] Me: *shoving jumbo shrimp in my mouth* Mom: Where are your manners? Me: *points over at sister* She has them.
@fro_vo: Me: happy valentines day Neil Degrasse Tyson: *slaps heart-shaped box out of my hands* an actual heart is shaped nothing like that
@therealeatwood: ADMIRAL: We must surround and board the enemy’s ship CHIEF PETTY OFFICER: And then we can walk right past them like they’re not even there