@E_lok44

The biggest problem with prison is that you can only rearrange your cell in so many ways because of where the toilet is.

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@TheAlexP

A rabbit has a father who has a big hair care product empire and wonders if one day his child will become the Hair heir hare.

@courtneyno

The light above my desk is going out. I feel like I’ve been at a really boring rave for the last 7 hours.

@Kryzazy

If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles then you too can be anything you want.

@Carbosly

If I ever visit Japan, the first thing I’ll do is run through those paper walls pretending I’m the Kool-Aid man.

@petemandik

i got blood on my iphone the other day and before i could wipe it off siri made a slurpy noise and it was gone

@JohnLyonTweets

“I knew he was the murderer when I saw him on the dance floor,” Holmes said. “You see, Watson, guilty feet have got no rhythm.”

@UnFitz

DIE HARD (1988)

Rated R, 2 hrs. 12 min.

The dead guy from The Sixth Sense throws Snape out of a window. Merry Christmas!

@TheAlexNevil

*bites a radioactive spider
*spider starts tweeting 18 hours a day

@Coops_Bradley

Good luck to the 13 year old girl who is pregnant and wrote “California” for ethnicity on her clinic forms.