Saying “oh my gosh you’re getting so big!” is cute and acceptable to say to a 6 year old. Not so much to an ex-girlfriend.
The boy is putting whipped cream on the cat. I think he may have overheard a conversation he didn’t understand quite so well.
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When a millenial asks why everyone in old photos have red eyes I tell them they were too young to remember the great demon uprising of the 1980s.
Them: What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to say to someone?
Me: Probably… Saskatchewan
Me: or Worcestershire
Me: Are you scared?
7: A little.
M: Me too. It’s ok. I’m right here.
Wife: Oh my god–it’s just broccoli!
If you’re American & I ever hear you use the word “whilst,” this I swear: you will not live to see the 3rd season of Sherlock.
Jupit. Jupiter. Jupitest.
[shapes strands of hair from the drain to form a love letter on the shower wall]
stop slamming the toilet seat in the middle of the night or I will murder you
My dog: I can’t get her up.
My Other dog: Did you lick her face?
My dog: Yeah, no dice.
My other dog: Did you run to the door and back?
My dog: Yes. Sheesh.
My Cat: Get out of my way, amateurs. *hurk* *gag* *hurk* Now she’s up, peasants.
I wish people would move over a bit in their selfies. We’re redecorating a bathroom and looking for ideas.
Some apples don’t fall far from the tree, BUT other apples catch a good roll and keep rolling…and rolling…and rolling..