@AClkwrkStarfish

The boy is putting whipped cream on the cat. I think he may have overheard a conversation he didn’t understand quite so well.

You Might Also Like

@AmericanGent69

Saying “oh my gosh you’re getting so big!” is cute and acceptable to say to a 6 year old. Not so much to an ex-girlfriend.

@citizenkawala

When a millenial asks why everyone in old photos have red eyes I tell them they were too young to remember the great demon uprising of the 1980s.

@GingerHotDish

Them: What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to say to someone?

Me: Probably… Saskatchewan

Them: …

Me: or Worcestershire

@TheAlexNevil

Me: Are you scared?
7: A little.
M: Me too. It’s ok. I’m right here.
7:
M:
Wife: Oh my god–it’s just broccoli!

@KenJennings

If you’re American & I ever hear you use the word “whilst,” this I swear: you will not live to see the 3rd season of Sherlock.

@BoomBoomBetty

[shapes strands of hair from the drain to form a love letter on the shower wall]

stop slamming the toilet seat in the middle of the night or I will murder you

@SaltyCorpse

My dog: I can’t get her up.

My Other dog: Did you lick her face?

My dog: Yeah, no dice.

My other dog: Did you run to the door and back?

My dog: Yes. Sheesh.

My Cat: Get out of my way, amateurs. *hurk* *gag* *hurk* Now she’s up, peasants.

@Jake_Vig

I wish people would move over a bit in their selfies. We’re redecorating a bathroom and looking for ideas.

@Lisa_Laughs_

Some apples don’t fall far from the tree, BUT other apples catch a good roll and keep rolling…and rolling…and rolling..