The correct response to "I love you" is "prove it"

The correct response to “I love you” is “prove it”

Benjamin Button
Started off dead
Violets are blue
Roses are red

[scooby doo’s wife walks into the kitchen and slams a pile of legal documents onto the table. scooby looks up in shock]

scooby: RIVORCE???

Get your hero name by doing something brave and seeing what the newspapers call you.

I’m Local Man.

[answers batphone] Hi, thanks for calling the batcave. This batcall may be batmonitored or batrecorded for batquality batassurance batpurposes

them: hold your horses
me: *immediately drops one*

Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they’re talking?

Waitress says “Say when” when grating my cheese. I never say when. The room fills with parmesan. There are no survivors.

*experiences all five stages of grief while the waiter walks by my table with what I thought was my dinner*

*bursts out of stable on a chihuahua*

“Wait, if you’re here then that means”

*cut to a horse peeking it’s head out of Paris Hiltons purse*

*cuts down perfect Xmas tree*

Me: What do you think kids?
Kids: Yay!!!!!
Wife: It’s beautiful

Neighbor: …what are you guys doing in my yard?

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