Started off dead
Violets are blue
Roses are red
The correct response to “I love you” is “prove it”
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[scooby doo’s wife walks into the kitchen and slams a pile of legal documents onto the table. scooby looks up in shock]
Get your hero name by doing something brave and seeing what the newspapers call you.
I’m Local Man.
[answers batphone] Hi, thanks for calling the batcave. This batcall may be batmonitored or batrecorded for batquality batassurance batpurposes
them: hold your horses
me: *immediately drops one*
Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they’re talking?
Waitress says “Say when” when grating my cheese. I never say when. The room fills with parmesan. There are no survivors.
*experiences all five stages of grief while the waiter walks by my table with what I thought was my dinner*
*bursts out of stable on a chihuahua*
“Wait, if you’re here then that means”
*cut to a horse peeking it’s head out of Paris Hiltons purse*
*cuts down perfect Xmas tree*
Me: What do you think kids?
Wife: It’s beautiful
Neighbor: …what are you guys doing in my yard?