The D word that everyone’s been feeling at work is depression. I guessed the wrong word, apparently.

Aaaaand there’s HR calling me. Brb.

You Might Also Like


Twitter is the only place where you’re thrilled when a complete stranger starts following you.


ME: i have a cold
WIFE: for the last time it’s called an ice cube


cats are the best because you can pet one while you’re talking to someone and look totally evil


*pushes vending machine over



Boss: How were your weekends?

Steve: I coached my son’s soccer team

Alice: I helped friends move and volunteered at an animal shelter

Me: I dreamed my clothes were made of peanut butter and jelly


My prompt email replies are 10% due to me being a diligent employee, and 90% due to the crippling OCD that compels me to clear my inbox.


I want my house to be tidy enough so that if someone drops by unexpectedly it doesn’t look like we’re six days into battling a poltergeist.


Whenever the weather guy on tv says morning sunshine, I always say “and good morning to you too sweetie!”