“I think that kid’s a robot”
“Look at his mouth”
Relax they’re just braces
*backs away slowly*
“That’s exactly what a robot would say”
The doctor wants me to start eating healthier to add years to my life. It’s like he doesn’t realize I’m married.
You Might Also Like
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in??
Mom called. She was worried. Thought maybe I moved because I haven’t answered her email and she wouldn’t know the new address to send it to.
If Kevin Spacey doesn’t sign his name like this
Then he’s pretty damn stupid…
I hang out with people smarter than me so when the zombies attack they will eat their brains first while I escape. Who’s the idiot now Mom!?
*waits to answer so he misses me*
(5 seconds later) okay, that’s long enough
Me: Walks in with an exact copy of my husband.
Him: I said cologne.
Not having a date on Valentine’s Day doesn’t really worry me…
It’s those 364 other date-less days that are causing me a bit of concern.
Age 21: Goes out for drinks after 9 PM and gets home at 2 AM.
Age 37: Has one tiny little sip of water after 8 PM and has to get up and pee three times before 2 AM.
Unionize your workplace