just got mad and flipped a table but it spun all the way around in landed right side up. everyone in Applebee’s is clapping
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Hello NASA, can you turn the sun down just a bit? It’s too bright.
NASA: That’s not how things work ma’am.
Me: Then what are we even funding you for? If I crash it’s on you.
Yeah….seems legit. *dusts off hands* another customer satisfied.
“THE CROPS ARE DYING!”
“NO ONE WILL SURVIVE THIS DROUGHT!”
me: I know what to do!
*gets a car wash*
(Storm clouds appear on the horizon)
Beethoven: hey everybody, this next song’s called “Für Elise”
Elise: omg, we broke up 6 months ago, get over urslf
B: SHUT UP ELISE I LUV U
How do I like eggs?
Ummm…in a cake!
and my snacks…
hey pistachios how about taken the shells off we don’t want those sweetie
ME: i wish girls would flock to me
ME [a pumpkin spice latte]: SON OF A
SANTA: Mhm, and I see here that you have the power of flight, which wo-
SUPERMAN W/ ANTLERS TIED TO HIS HEAD: Look, I really need this job.