The first rule of Mormon fight flub is go door to door talking about Mormon fight club .
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Pizza is like racism. America didn’t invent it, but it’s hard to find a country that does it better.
Having a large vocabulary may not make you intelligent, but it really can help you bullshit your way through just about anything
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That’s why it’s crazy for me to go to work
“No, the bubble isn’t a circle it’s a sphere.” – Keeping this uppity four year old in check.
She asked for my name, if I’m alone, had me remove belt/shoes & take out what I have in my pants. Interactions w/TSA agents are underrated.
My weight loss plan is to skip breakfast and lunch…
And then eat seven dinners.
Air Bud seems like a great movie, until you realize some poor kid was cut from the team to make room on the roster for a golden retriever
[uses Ant-Man tech to carry around a bunch of dogs in my pocket]
No, I’m not participating in movember, I’m just Italian.