Bee Gees Songs:
Saturday Night Fever
Sunday Night Scurvy
Monday Night Measles
Tuesday Night Typhoid
Wednesday Night Whooping Cough
“The Godfather” teaches us that:
1. Nothing is more important than family and
2. Our families are always trying to kill us.
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I just drank coffee I forgot on the counter this morning. It was so cold and bitter I wrote it an alimony check.
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Computer problems can be solved with duct tape if you apply it directly to the mouth of the person asking you to help fix their computer.
When one happens upon a small spoon, the proper response is to become the big spoon. It is simply what one does at times like this. I am however sorry for having disturbed your crime scene, officer. I’ll see myself out.
Watermelon: because I like to chew flavored water.
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
“I love the Fall, the trees are so pretty”
“Ya, so what?”
[leaves start attacking everyone]
OMG THE LEAVES HAVE TURNED
“Dad, is that a bear outside the tent?”
“What’re you putting on me?”
“It smells like ketchup.”
ME: I want a solo
GUITARIST: you play the tambourine
ME: yeah but *shaking tambourine really fast* check this shit out