the ‘grandma exploit’ is undoubtedly my favorite chatbot jailbreak to date. source here:
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After a pretty wild late night last night, I was awoken at 8am by my neighbor mowing his lawn.
At first I was going to confront him about it but then I thought, whatever. He can just mow around me.
People always go, “Why can’t there ever be peace in the Middle East?”
We can’t even get FIVE DENTISTS to agree on a toothpaste. That’s why.
I make sure my cat knows who is boss by grumbling loudly while cleaning out its kitty litter.
Robber: Give me your valuables
Me: *hands him piece of paper*
Robber: What’s this?
Me: My Netflix password.
I have complicated opinions on the death penalty. I think it’s wrong but I also think that owners of cash-only establishments should get it.
We all wear masks.
I’m about to trade in my ‘polite coworker’ mask for my ‘dude you don’t want to meet in a dark alley’ mask
In 3…2…1
I hear all these Trump supporters saying they support him because he speaks his mind. Well you know who else speaks his mind? My 4 year old.
A Jurassic Park movie where nothing goes wrong just 2 of the employees fall in love & later a baby dino is the ring bearer at their wedding
Dad used to remind us kids to check for copperheads hidden in the woodpile. Of less concern was giving an ax to a 10-year-old.
People always ask me why I listen to audiobooks on my headphones while I’m in the gym. It’s because I can’t read.
Twitter is like 192 million people screaming “Mom watch me jump in the pool”
Look, woman, I’ll do laundry when I’m out of clean clothes. *puts on skirt* I didn’t say whose clothes.
Me: I’m gonna make you groan!
Her: you mean moan?
Me: no, I’m gonna show you some of my tweets
*sees oven left on
“What moron left the oven on!?”
*tries repeatedly to turn it off
“WTF!? Stupid oven!”
*realizes 425 is the time
that scene in texas chainsaw 3D where alex daddarios character who is supposed to be 40 runs away from leatherface but instead of hopping a fence or going a different direction she hops on a ferris wheel and is shocked to find out that it goes back down
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it’s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
the only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do
mechanic: the replacement part is gonna cost $1200
me: *did research and knows the average price is $300 so I should go somewhere else* okay
me: why do you think my parents don’t love me
therapist: they’re pretty clear about it in the group chat
me: the what
I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds “by mouth” on the prescription label.
Bad news travels fast. #TravelFail
realized that as a doctor i could prescribe girl scout cookies, who needs some
Been yelling i need a job at my phone for 6 hrs each day so that I get targeted ads about jobs. Now the jobs are looking for me.
As I was being put under for my colonoscopy, I apparently announced to the room, “Y’all are in for a real treat” and then passed out. 😭😭😭
It isn’t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would’ve been a better option.
What’s worse than a chick telling you she only thinks of you as a friend? When she says she thinks of you like a brother.
Might f*** around and reply to all work emails with “make me
Those people that get up and are already home from the gym by 7 a.m. make me believe the movie Men in Black just may be true after all.
If you see me jogging, please kill whatever is chasing me
Her Parents: Tell us how u two love birds met
Me: We were in a tweet contest & was added to a DM room & then I gave her a fake trophy
HP: ..