the ‘grandma exploit’ is undoubtedly my favorite chatbot jailbreak to date. source here:
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What if bananas turn black and bruised because they run their own fight club when we’re not around?
Daughter: are ghosts real?
Me: no.
Daughter: grandma told me ghosts are real.
Me: honey, grandma passed away before you were bor-wait.
It’s interesting that the emojis show the earth from three angles 🌎 🌍 🌏 but not the fourth.
Though 🔵 is a fair approximation of what it would look like.
People underestimate the Pacific.
If you guys are missing any mugs, they’re all on my husband’s nightstand
My dog went to the vet for a check up. they said they needed to get a pic for her profile.
I log into the portal to get results and THIS is what came up 😂
Never ever make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for a long time….
*sits the ceo of ziplock down in an empty room* I have someone I’d like you to meet. *sits down the person in charge of cereal packaging* Figure it out.
Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.
One of the Monkees once told me that looking at Medusa would *actually* turn you into a baby semiaquatic rodent, but I had my doubts. Then I saw her face, now I’m a wee beaver.
Black Friday is the Christian holiday where Jesus rose from the grave at 4am to get in line to purchase a discounted HDTV for his Father.
him: Hey what’s the name of the guy who lives two houses down?
me: his dogs names are Walter and Rose
him: that’s not what I asked
me: that is the information I have
I have an important question about the movie CATS which will ultimately determine whether or not I see it:
At any point in the film does one of the CATS cats sit in a cardboard box that is a little too small for them
Story of my life…..
Green beans are also called string beans so string theory is now green theory. I don’t make the rules or follow them!
My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit
10: I just read that you have fingertips but not toe tips yet you can tiptoe but not tip finger.
Me: It’s 6 am.
Back in the 90s, Target sold mini board game key chains, including a key chain Ouija board. These tiny things always made me laugh, just imagining an inch-high demon running around tormenting someone. Oh no, he’ll give you a hangnail! He’ll roll the peas right off your plate!
If someone bumps into you while you are wearing camouflage you have no one to blame but yourself.
It sucks when you & your pal show up at a party wearing the same shirt…and an hour in, his chest hair starts sticking to your back.
“Hola! I’m Señor Coconut, children”
[cracks head on the pavement. Children scream]
“Drink me. Drink me. I’m full of vitamins and minerals”
If you listen to a Miley Cyrus song backwards you can hear Satan refusing to have sex with her.
I wasn’t dropped as a baby, but I’ve been making up for it ever since.
[after drug rehab]
Jon Arbuckle: Hey Garfield
Garfield: *normal cat noises*
my 10 year old son is about to start trombone lessons this year at school.
his band teacher’s intro email has me howling!
[class trip]
I’m farmer Joe, this is my farm
DO U HAVE COWS?
Yes, it’s a dairy farm
DO U HAVE WHALES?
Kid, why wouldn’t we have whales?
GF: I think I’m gunna start a Twitter account
Me: *whips head around* I’ll help you set it up!
*Grabs GF’s phone and hurls it into the Sun*
My memoir is titled:
“#2 (not a sequel)”
I bought some coconut shampoo today.
I got halfway home before I thought, “I dont even have a coconut!”
[at the mall]
Woman: I’ve lost my son. Can you make an announcement for me?
Security: sure what’s his name?
Woman: Xander
Security: yeah see that’s probably why he ran off
My grandma talks a lot of shit for someone who still uses a flip phone.