Waldo has a tough time at the gym because no one spots him
The guy who created Virgin airlines probably didnt go to high school otherwise he would have called it “shes probably lying airlines”.
You Might Also Like
I need a new job. One where I’m always running out the door with my arms flailing and holding a jar screaming “I GOTTA GET THIS TO THE LAB!”
When my car starts making weird noises I just assume it’s becoming a Transformer.
My 6yo niece grabbed all the sharpies & uttered, “I’m testing something out.” I never knew this kind of fear existed.
Me: *in fancy men’s clothes shop having just been told he price of the suit I was admiring* “Yes, yes I see… and how much for the hanger?”
caveman: I’ve invented the wheel!
REALTOR: This community has a great neighborhood watch
WIFE: [sees me suddenly excited] Don’t you dare
ME: WHO DECIDES WHO GETS TO WEAR IT
CW: It’s 11:11 make a wish.
Me: I wish I could throw a clock at your face.
Him: Do you want to run away with me?
Me: We won’t actually be running, right?
WORST THINGS THAT CAN HAPPEN WHILE SKYDIVING
4. Parachute fails
3. Eagle pecks your eyes out
2. You see your house from the sky & notice your parents making love in the garden
1. You’re blown off course & land at a friend’s wedding you said you couldn’t attend because you’re ill