@SonOfCha

The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.

The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.

- @SonOfCha

You Might Also Like

@Billhenry16

I found a new way to get my wife to wash the car. When ever it gets dusty I write the following on it:

“I wish my Wife was this Dirty”.

@stephenjmolloy

Me: “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.”

Friends: “No thanks.”

Enemies: “Also no thanks.”

@audipenny

What do you mean, “I need space,” are you okay oh my god do you need me to come over and bring space

@SJSchauer

This guy told me he spoke Swedish and then spoke Swedish and tbh I have no way of knowing if he was lying.

@dave_cactus

EXECUTIONER: Any last words?
ME: I’m wearing women’s panties.
EXECUTIONER: I meant from the prisoner, Dave.

@_ElvishPresley_

Spider-Man: hold it right there, Chameleon

Chameleon: how’d you know it was me

Spider-Man: you’re disguised as Peter Parker

Chameleon: so

Spider-Man: *starts sweating*

@LuvPug

As an adult I’ve caused the most trouble by pressing ‘send’

@cluedont

My grandad used to swear by refrigerators. And televisions. In fact, he was probably the most foul-mouthed member of staff Comet ever had.