@AnniemuMary
I’m not an actress but I play one on the phone when the lady asks me if I have a pen to write down the confirmation code.
@Alex_N_Chains
The ironic thing about the original Scooby Doo adventures was that the only real supernatural phenomena they encountered was a TALKING DOG.
You Might Also Like
@AnniemuMary
@conner_omalley
under my wife’s car waiting to grab her ankle and yell “how are you?”
@northcoastkevin
I accidentally walked into the women’s room at the gym today, then I bought a tampon from the machine so it wouldn’t be awkward.
@NYC_Blonde
Why do cars slow down when they see a cop has pulled someone over? HE’S A LITTLE BUSY TO WORRY ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW DUMMIES
@platinum2000
How do you tell someone that they’re not smart enough to manipulate you, without hurting their feelings?
@junejuly12
My friends are arguing about heating leftover pizza or eating it cold, and I’m over here wondering why they have leftover pizza.
@BonaFideIntent
Me: LARGE FRY!
McDonald’s Manager: Ma’am, you can’t use the drive-thru riding a stick pony. Please leave NOW
Me: I WILL CUT YOU!
*sirens*
@CornOnTheGoblin
A nationwide recall of the popular children’s cereal Trix was issued today
“Just dump them out in your garden” said one long-eared FDA agent
@ThisOneSayz
Me: Nothing has better sucking capability than a Dyson vacuum.
Dracula: You can’t be serious.
@mattgallo123
If you drop your phone but pick it up within five seconds, you can still eat it.