@ImFunnyMang: The last human alive will get no funeral.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Diet, Day 14: I hate everyone. My children are scared of me & I've repelled everyone else. But I'm starting to really like pears.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "I'd like to withdraw 3 sausages and a packet of peanuts please." Man: "That isn't how a food bank works, sir."
@BGH70: "Which one is you?" - My favorite response when someone shows me a selfie with other people in it.