CW: what did you do to your hair today?
Me: It’s really unclear whether you think it’s good or you think I slept in a ditch.
The most horrifying thing I’ve ever heard:
“MOMMY! MOMMY! I think I just did SCIENCE in the bathroom!”
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I know they took some creative liberties with ‘Noah’ but I really wasn’t expecting that Prius.
I’m white, but not “I’m gonna check out the spooky sounds in the basement” white.
It’s like my nana once said….
You know you can block people on Twitter who confuse crochet with knitting, right?
3 Doors Down: “Okay, so we’ve named the band. Now what?”
Husband: I don’t understand
Kids: MOM MOM
H: how we are not
K: DAD DAD
H: able to get
K: MOM MOM
H: more done around the house?
Kids: MOM DAD MOM DAD MOM DAD
H: Never mind.
my cornflakes bring all the boys to my yard
& theyre like
this cereals hard
my cereals hard
u should add milk
so its not so sharp
Self-control (n.): Charlize Theron keeping a straight face on when the mirror tells her Kristen Stewart is prettier than she is.
*gets down on one knee*
kids: can we have a popsicle?
me: *eating a popsicle* no it’s 8am