@suzieQ0007
My Canadian 4yo just told me he wants to be Captain America if anyone wants to take a traitor off my hands.
@PetrickSara
The most horrifying thing I’ve ever heard:
“MOMMY! MOMMY! I think I just did SCIENCE in the bathroom!”
You Might Also Like
@suzieQ0007
@chuuew
Date: I can’t believe you never saw titantic
Me: To be fair, it did sink before I was born
@AnniemuMary
My family keeps throwing sweaters in the laundry basket like we wash those.
@robdelaney
Vaccines comes from doctors –> Doctors are part of Obamacare –> Vaccines are BAD #Bible #AmericanSniper
@Marlebean
*Spends the first 7 minutes of my job interview carefully tearing off the perforated edge of my spiral notebook resume*
@SuperJuanderer
I’m not mature enough to work at Siemens.
@SkippyMcGizzard
Medusa was the absolute worst when it came to objectifying people.
@sir_shithead_I
Life hack: If I ever end my advice with “I promise”, do the opposite. I’m bored and want to see if you’re going to do the stupid shit I suggested.
@GregHenchman
“Voop voop voop voop voop voop voop voop voop.”
-corduroys
@LoriGallucci
“Mommy does Barbie come with Ken?”
“No sweetie, Barbie comes with GI Joe, she just fakes it with Ken”